Rod's Funny Bone

Picture
By Rod Freeman
Entertainment Editor 

   Hey friends. How are you all doing? As most of you know I am a donut fanatic and social network addict who gets sunburn when I look out the window even for a few seconds.
   Well, I've got to say I have been spending some time outdoors this past week as our editor moved to a new location in Lewis County and we were off the Internet or between Interwebs connections for a while. We apologize for the disaruption in service. We appreciate your understanding and continued reading of this publication. Often times it's the only thing that keeps us going...I'm getting all dramatic now, aren't I.
   Oh yeah, back to the story. This past week I worked out in the yard quite a bit. I planted flowers, mowed grass, had a cook out and actually invited people over rather than  the usual...cooking six steaks and eating them all myself. 
   I got my hands dirty, I even sweated some mowing the yard. I thought I was melting and went screaming into the house for my wife. She sent me back outside with a large glass of tea and an eye roll I'm sure NASA caught on video from outerspace.
   I told my wife it seemed an odd feeling having people over for a cookout and talking to everyone rather than hiding inside while she entertained. She rubbed me on the head and said it was "adulthood" and that she was "happy I finally decided to give it a try."
  It seemed like a compliment...but it didn't at the same time. I'm still thinking it over.
  I don't want to brag but I've got a book coming out here in the next few weeks and I am also one of several Branson celebrities selected to appear in an upcoming movie. 
  I'll have more on both of those things if I haven't sounded too much like a windbag already. Go to the next colum over for and expert windbag...I can say that. I've known him for more than 30 years now. Now I am just laughing to myself.
(Rod Freeman is a nationally known comedian, comedy writer, author, and columnist based in Branson, MO).  
I finally found a bank I can completely trust. A donut bank.

Clise's Cornucopia

Picture
By John Clise
Managing Editor 
   Well, we are all moved to Lewis County now. It took a bit longer than I thought. Apparently moving isn't as easy as throwing everything you own into eight garbage bags and driving away. You know, it used to be that easy. Or at least that's just how I remember it. Selective memories like that will probably make every friend and family members who has showed up to helpme move at the last minute want to punch me directoy in the face and call me a big fat liar. None the less, that's how I remember it from years gone by with my moves.
   It's nice to back in Lewis County. Seems I've been leaving and coming back here for almost 15 years now. I suspect I should hang around and see what happens.
   I had forgotten about the fire whistle going off so much. Makes me want to buy a scanner to keep up with what's happening. Actually I hardly notice the fire whistle now. I guess I got used to it again pretty quickly.
   I look at it as part of Weston's charm really. Doesn't bother me at all. I actually like it. Let's me know something is going on in the city or surrounding area.
   Weston Democrat reporter Susan Bentley posted pictures of a baby fox on her social networking page. He was a pretty cute little guy.
   I remember seeing a red fox on the ouskirts of Bridgeport once when I was working at AAA in the call center. (That's a column all to its own)  He just trotted up the fence line and up a hill he went. He seemed to be enjoying the sunny weather that day. 
   We are happy to be back on the Internet. We were between connections for about a week and it made it very difficult to keep up with the daily editions. Thanks for sticking with us this past week. We really appreciate your support in reading the CWV.
   Don't forget the West Virginia Strawberry Festival is this week. There is a link on the front page that will take you to the schedule of events and other information on the festival. The weather is supposed to be great so head on over to Buckhannon if you get a chance and enjoy some fun.
   Also on the front page is a story about a blood drive the Lewis County Kiwanis is sponsoring on Wednesday, May 15 from 1-7 p.m. at the jane Lew City Park Building. I suspect I'll head up and give a pinty of life saving blood to the cause. If you are physically able to and can work it into your schedule, I suggest you do the same. It is very beneficial and quuite rewarding...not to mention it could and likely will save a life.

Pete's World
By Pete Rose the Cat

Picture
   I'm working on a column right now. The problem is I am also working on a nap and trying to decide which is more importnat is a struggle right now because I have a lot of warm sunbeams right on my face telling to nap. It's hard to argue with that kind of logic anyway you cut it.
  I'm not so wooried about all of this frost we are supposed to have because all my attention is on the sun rays dancing on my nose right at the moment.
  I will say there are 16 windows in our new home and I can see just about everywhere in town from here I think.
  Last time we lived in Weston I could see Main Avenue. I am not complaining. Main Avenue was very interesting, but here I can see hills, houses, sky, town, a bigger road, birds, I can hear water, I can see giant Sycamore trees, and sit on a screened in porch.
  There's a grey cat here too. I don't know her name yet. I was kind of hoping Pops might show up but I don't think he's going to now. I do hope he's happy wherever he is.
   There's an electric wire across the street from our home that the birds just love to sit on and rest. All sorts of birds just take their time sitting there. I think it is great. I can just birdwatch all afternoon. Marshall seems to like it as well. He says we will see a hawk on the electric line before it is all said and done. We might but I am not sure what "before it is all said and done" means. I asked marshall what it meant. He didn't know either. I said he heard it once and it sounded important. I just shook my head and said "okay." Sometimes Marshall says some odd things.
   I'm still on my diet. Down to about 17 pounds now. I was about 22 pounds. I am much more active now at our new home. Seems like there is more room to run.
  I was in no danger of ever being the world's heaviest cat. I may be the world's most handsome cat. My dad tells me that a lot.
   But back to the heaviest cat ever...Himmy who lived in Cairns, Queensland, is the heaviest recorded cat, weighing in at a staggering 21.3kg (46.8lbs). Himmy, a desexed tabby, died of respiratory failure at the age of ten. 
   Mr. Peebles, you can find him on Facebook,  a two-year-old, domestic cat of Central Illinois, holds the Guinness World Records award for the smallest living cat.  He weighs approximately three pounds and is 6.1 inches tall, according to what I read. Apparently, his small stature is due to a genetic defect.
   I think I am doing okay with diet and size. I'll keep yuo updated.